she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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