I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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