Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
