I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
