If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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