Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
