There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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