best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
