I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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