god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
