Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
