just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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