i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize