At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
