This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
