just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
