where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
