she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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