so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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