oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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