You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize