I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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