I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
