I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
