Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
