My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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