How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
