sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
