hotel room ftw
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
