I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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