Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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