Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
