I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You are a genius and a whore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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