Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
