I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
