I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
