I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
