i think my tv is drunk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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