dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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