This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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