before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
