My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize