Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
