Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I bet he comes in French.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
