booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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