Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
