I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
