just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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