i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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