3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
