Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
