I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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