I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
