I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize