my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
