HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize