if you like me you must not know who I am
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
