That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
