The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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