I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
