Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
