It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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