So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
