Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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