If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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