and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
