so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
