Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
