nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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