Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
