that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
