I wish I could punch you in the face.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
