Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
