I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
