Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
