butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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