what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
